Fluttershy's Gone to the Woods and She's Never Coming Back
"Fluttershy's Gone to the Woods and She's Never Coming Back" is a creepypasta written and performed by Jonni Phillips. This pasta was featured on Episode 19 of the podcast. Transcript One day Rainbow Dash is flying around, up in the sky and she sees a bunch of birds and she starts to- she starts to fucking shoot them. She has a gun now. She screams "I'm so tired, I'm so tired of all of this" and then she goes to her girlfriend Fluttershy and she flies down to Fluttershy's little shed...shack not shed. There's all these little bushes and everything and it's all cute and Rainbow Dash goes and flies down and she's like "excuse me, Fluttershy? Fluttershy hello?" The whole, fucking, um, Zecora walks out, looks Rainbow Dash dead in the eye and goes "um...you are not able to find Fluttershy for Fluttershy is flying away, going to the woods, and never coming back" and then Rainbow Dash goes like "oh no! That's my girlfriend" and then she goes "I gotta go find her" she starts punching things, she has a little mouse and she punches it. She flies up into the air and she's flying and flying and flying...fuckin just um you know she fuckin... picks up an apple from Applejack. Applejack's like "here's an apple" and Rainbow Dash is like "thank you I need this to keep me flying" and then she keeps flying. And then she is at where Fluttershy allegedly is according to the police report that Zecora gave her. Forgot to mention that Zecora gave Rainbowdash a police report. Rainbow Dash is looking around, "gee fuck, where the fuck, where the fuck is she?" and then her little nose starts to- she's smelling things, she's smelling things through her nose is vibrating and she's smelling all around. She's walking around, she's moving, she's tousling, she's...up in the trees. She sees a cliff it's coming out of the trees, it's really beautiful. She sees Fluttershy at the top. Looks a lot like the Winnie the Pooh cliff you know that one? You know that one? In the show where it's like they would always go on top of it to watch the sky? Anyways, she goes up there. "Come back to town! Come back to town!" Fluttershy says "no, I've decided that I'm scary now" and then she grows red eyes. She grows red eyes and then she's like "want to hear a song Rainbow Dash" and then Rainbow Dash goes "sure". Fluttershy then gets the cords, she looks up the cords to Bright Eyes at the Bottom of Everything. So there was this woman and She was, uh, on an airplane and She's flying to meet her fiancé Sailing high above the largest ocean On planet earth and she was seated Next to this man who She had tried to start conversations And really the only thing She'd heard him say was to order his bloody mary And she's sitting there and she's reading This really arduous magazine article about a Third world country that she couldn't Even pronounce the name of and She's feeling very bored and very despondent And then, suddenly there's this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out And they started just falling, thirty thousand feet And the pilot's on the microphone and he's saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Oh My God, I'm Sorry" And apologizing and she looks at the man and she says "Where are we going?" and he looks at her and he says "We're going to a party, it, it's a birthday party It's your birthday party, happy birthday darling We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much." And then, uh, he starts humming this little tune and, uh, it kind of goes like this Fluttershy said all that. Fluttershy just said all that. A little guitar and starts singing the song and it goes like: We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web We must rip out all the epilogues from the books that we have read Into the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair We must stare, we must stare, we must stare Have you guys heard this song? It's by Brighteyes? It's really bad that's why I thought it would be funny, anyways. Anyway, I'm not gonna sing the whole song, I'm not gonna sing the whole thing because I realize that I've taken up a lot of time. But I really wanted to throw that little thing in there. Maybe Rainbow Dash is like "why did you sing that song Fluttershy?" and then Fluttershy says "cause I'm evil now! That song is the most evil thing in the world!" um...and then Fluttershy got um- got- she shits bricks and then it ends Goodnight. Epilogue And then Fluttershy is like "I have uh- I'm breaking up with you Rainbow Dash" Rainbow Dash goes like "WHAT? No! we've been dating for 300 years now...It's the future you know?" Like it's fucking stupid when they say it's the future when it's the present but they say it anyway. Anyways, Fluttershy is like "I have a new boyfriend" and Rainbow Dash is like "what? how can you have a new boyfriend we- we have something" and she's like "NO! I have a new boyfriend you're dead to me" and then fucking Brobee from Yo Gabba Gabba walks out. "RAINBOW DASH GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" and then he slaps her. And Rainbow Dash starts crying and she flys away, and she screams and cries and she flys and she flys and she flys. And that song that Fluttershy sang earlier, the really bad one? It's in her head now. It's in her head and it can get out. So now it's like "Oh no that horrible song's in my head AND I got broken up with oh no!" and then she..cloud...and then actually she doesn't go to her cloud she goes down to the ground and she's like sitting there all sad and then someone walks up and says "Hi Rainbow Dash I'm Gay Frankenstein, what's up?" and Rainbow Dash is like "Gay Frankenstein I just got broken up with by my girlfriend of 300 years" and Gay Frakenstein says "Oh. Been there, done that. Next time you get broken up, just kill yourself right there" "That's not a very nice thing to say to me" and he's like "Sorry I didn't have my meds today so I'm saying a lot of stuff" and then Rainbow Dash goes like "well, thanks for your advice anyway I know it's hard to talk to me because...language barrier, and then Ponish and you speak English, so there's a big difference" Gay Frankenstein is like "It's ok I don't mind it. It's a little hard to understand you sometimes because of...we speak, but I think we get along pretty well. Do you want to get married?" and then Rainbow Dash goes like "No, why would I want to get married to Gay Frankenstein?" and then Gay Frankenstein uh, decides to get out his shovel, dig a big hole, get inside of it, bury himself alive, and never come out. Rainbow Dash says "well that was fun to watch, I'm gonna go for a walk" walk She walks over to um, the fuckin to see Spike. That and she's like hey, she walks over to Spike and she says "excuse me, um, why do you suck so much?" and then Spike is like "I don't know, they just make the worst fucking character ever and I should die" And then I, Jonni Phillips, come in, I walk into that and then I go "THAT'S RIGHT!" and then I drop kick him into (???). And then, uh, and then I like go like "sorry you had to see that Rainbow Dash" and then I disappear and I'm like back in the real world telling the story again. And then Rainbow Dash was like "What the fuck did I just watch" THE END Category:Creepypastas